I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
