Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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