he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My cat gives me a boner
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
