i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
