I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
