my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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