...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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