You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
PANTIES FOUND
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