so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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