If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
