Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
