she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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