I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
40s are totally the cure
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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