Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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