my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
