just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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