those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
