i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
