I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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