Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
