"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
