he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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