i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
