My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Farmville is her only friend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
