feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
