i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
