Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I AM VODKA MAN
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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