I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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