and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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