Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's blow job season.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
