already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
