Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
