I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
