none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
