He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
