I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
