I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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