where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
