I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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