I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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