Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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