It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
