"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
