I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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