We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
