But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
