you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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