no, he came in my armpit
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
