1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's JV to your varsity
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
