Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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