How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
