White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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