why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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