I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm really busy with my period
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