he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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