I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
