I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
