Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
