If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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