worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
