he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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