if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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