I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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