theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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