next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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