I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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