It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
