sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
