Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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