After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
