I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize