ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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