I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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