I just saw a hot homeless man
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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